Sticks and Stones and Names That Hurt Us….

What’s in a name? Names are ours. They set us apart. Names do not die; they last for a lifetime and beyond. Names have power. They define us. Names give us our own sense of personal identity and uniqueness. A name is more than a name!

There was a study done a few years ago when professionals asked children ages 4-8 years old, what is love? The answers given “from the mouths of babes” were insightful and inspirational. One of my favorites, “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy age 4.

Names are an expression of love. In our quest to love ourselves we give ourselves many names. And unfortunately, many are derogatory. Instead of “I am Mary”, “I am Roger”, “I am Ari”, “I am James”, interiorly we may be saying, “I am a mess up”, “I am ugly”, “I am a loser”. And yet these names also shape our personal identity and have power. In a sense we “live up” to those names.

To grow in self-esteem, we need to grow in self-compassion. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading spokeswoman in the field of positive psychology, has done much research in the concept of self-compassion. She writes that one element of self-compassion is self-kindness, which is being warm toward yourself when encountering personal shortcomings rather than ignoring them or entering into self criticism.

What names have you given yourself? Throughout the day, recognize how many times you complete this sentence, “I am __________. Are there names you have dubbed yourself that in this new year you are ready to shed? Imagine saying this name to your best friend, someone who really loves and cares for you. What would be their response? If you treated yourself like a good friend, would you call yourself this name? Names are powerful. Take the time to replace those names that have long put you in a negatively defined box of who you are, and replace those names with the truth. “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but names DO hurt us” – particularly those names we have given ourselves. Begin treating yourself like a good friend and see what happens!