My eyelids crack open at the sound of the word that will make most women jump from sleep…..”Mom.” I struggle to wake up as the pleas of “Moooommm” become louder. I am not convinced that it is really morning yet. “MOM” my son says again. “What?” I reply with a degree of irritation that matches his. I am not sure why he is so grouchy, but I know quite well why I am. Today is Saturday. This child of mine is not hurt or bleeding and I feel confident the pleas of “MOM” can wait.
He asks permission to play his iPad. He has been grounded from this luxury for a few days. When I say “No, you have one day left, “he growls and then screams “You are so LAME!!!!” I realize in my state of semi-consciousness that this “tween-ager” is suddenly acting very much like a typical teenager. Lord, help me, the alien invasion is beginning. What should I do? I must prepare, like a good Eagle Scout, for the journey ahead. It is my only hope of survival.
Focusing on the essentials could perhaps help me withstand the drama of raising a teen. First, a sense of humor is key. My son told me earlier in the week that I was “embarrassing” him. Oh, really? Of course, his expert tantrums as a toddler when leaving Play Land at McDonalds were not nearly as embarrassing as my behavior that day. I laughed off his comment and informed him that I was so sorry to hear I had embarrassed him.
A dose of empathy is needed as well. An adolescent brain, believe it or not, is undergoing one of the fastest stages of development. This growth spurt makes them tired, irritable, impulsive and, at times, irrational. Isn’t that just great? The truth is sometimes they simply cannot think in an orderly manner. Help them organize the areas where they need it the most. Be willing to take the forgotten book or gym bag to school minus the sermon. When they need to make decisions like which sport to play or not play, have them make a list of pros and cons.
Not to be forgotten, keeping the lines of communication open is a consistent goal. Sometimes we hear, and sometimes we listen. This can be said of parents and teens alike. If we ask them about their day at school, we often get a grunt in return, but other times we may get something like “I hate my history teacher.” This statement could actually have a deeper meaning like “I am struggling in this class.” There are two choices in this scenario. If we are only hearing, we will reprimand their dislike of the teacher. If we are listening, we will ask “What makes him a difficult teacher?” Suddenly, the channels of communication are flowing, and we have the answer to our initial question.
Finally, most important to remember, they outgrow being teens and become adults. I do not think or act like I did as a teen. I bet you don’t either. This is the hope we cling to during the invasion. My son leaves my room just as his sister enters. “Mom,” she says. Did I mention he is a twin? That’s right, two teenagers. Lord, help me.
